by Ray Clendenen
While Gigi and I recently drove to Colorado and back, we listened to various audio books. One is called The Body Never Lies: The Lingering Effects of Hurtful Parenting, by Alice Miller. Among other things, this book attacks the fourth commandment for advocating submission to parental abuse. Even though that aspect of the book is based on some false premises, the book contains some helpful information and got me to thinking about the biblical teaching on forgiveness.
The eighteenth-century English poet Alexander Pope wrote, “To err is human, to forgive divine.” Whatever that is taken to mean, forgiveness is highly regarded. Most people desire it and many seek it, though it is often hard to give it. C. S. Lewis wrote, “We all agree that forgiveness is a beautiful idea until we have to practice it.”[1] Feeling unforgiven and feeling unforgiving can both be unpleasant. Jesus taught us the necessity of forgiving others (Matt. 6:12–15; 18:21–35; Luke 17:3–4) and practiced it himself (although Luke 23:34 is not in all ancient Greek manuscripts), as did the martyr Stephen (Acts 7:60).
“And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. . . . For if you forgive others their offenses, your heavenly Father will forgive you as well. But if you don’t forgive others, your Father will not forgive your offenses.” (Matt. 6:12, 14)
“Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? As many as seven times?” “I tell you, not as many as seven,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven.” (Matt. 18:21–22)
Then, after he had summoned [his servant], his master said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Shouldn’t you also have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And because he was angry, his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured until he could pay everything that was owed. So also my heavenly Father will do to you unless every one of you forgives his brother or sister from your heart.” (Matt. 18:32–35)
On the other hand, if Jesus is always forgiving, how does he also speak of coming judgment (John 5:22–30)? Could it be that the difficulty we often have with forgiving those who have harmed us, or who are harming us now, is shared by our Savior? Or could it be that Jesus’s requirement that we forgive others does not apply in every case? Or does forgiveness look different in some situations than in others, such as the situation of someone who continues to harm us? Finally, how is God’s forgiveness of us like or unlike our forgiveness of one another?
In order to see this issue more clearly, let’s consider briefly the nature of forgiveness as suggested by the most common Greek words for it. The most common word for “forgive,” aphiemi, in many contexts means to “leave” or “abandon” something, at least temporarily. When Jesus called his disciples to follow him in Matthew, “immediately they left [aphiemi] their nets (Matt. 4:20). They also “left [aphiemi] the boat and their father” (4:22). In the next chapter, Jesus tells them that when they are worshiping at the temple and remember that a fellow believer has something against them, they should “leave” [aphiemi] their gift and go seek reconciliation (Matt. 5:24). In verse 40 of the same chapter, he tells them that if someone demands their shirt, they are to “let him have [aphiemi] your coat as well.” That is, they should “leave” it with them. This same verb is the one used in Matt. 6:12–15 with the meaning “to forgive.” It means to “leave” what you have against someone and walk away. The Greek lexicon explains that another meaning of the word is “to release from legal or moral obligation or consequence.” This is the sense in the case of a person who chooses to erase someone’s debt, releasing them from the obligation to repay (Matt. 18:27, “Then the master of that servant had compassion, released him, and forgave him the loan.”). This would be the sense in a similar situation in which someone “drops the charges.”
Jesus also uses the verb aphiemi in the sense of “leaving alone,” that is, not involving yourself in bothering or trying to hinder them. In Matt. 15:14 in response to the disciples’ informing him that the Pharisees had taken offense at something he said. He replies that the Pharisees are like weeds that God will eventually uproot. “Leave them alone! They are blind guides. And if the blind guide the blind, both will fall into a pit.” In a positive sense, Jesus later tells his disciples (Matt. 19:14), “Leave the children alone, and don’t try to keep them from coming to me.” Even later, while Jesus and his disciples were eating at Simon’s house, a woman comes and anoints Jesus’s head with perfume (Mark 14:3–9; cf. John 12:7). The disciples “scold her” for wastefulness, but Jesus tells them, “Leave her alone. Why are you bothering her [or “causing her trouble”]? She has done a noble thing for me.” Finally, the verb is used with this sense in Acts 5:38. When Peter responded to the Sanhedrin that “We must obey God rather than people,” the Jewish leaders were “enraged and wanted to kill them” (v. 33). But the Pharisee Gamaliel counseled them to “stay away from these men and leave them alone. For if this plan or this work is of human origin, it will fail.” Perhaps in some situations, personal forgiveness may involve simply leaving the offender alone.
When someone has violated God’s laws and acted wickedly, committing sin, we have no right or authority to forgive them, that is, to release them from whatever penalty God will bring against them. Whether he chooses to punish them in this life or after death, or both, or rather chooses to be merciful and gracious and to bring them to repentance and forgiveness on the basis of the work of Christ in their place, that is all up to him.
The verb used in Matt. 18:27 for “released” (apoluo) is another verb that could be translated “forgive” (Luke 6:37, “Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”) or “set free” from sin (Rev. 1:5, “To him who loves us and has set us free from our sins by his blood”). It means more literally to “send away” and is used of divorce (Matt. 19:3–9) but also of releasing a prisoner (Matt. 27:15–26; Acts 4:21; 5:40). This verb is made up of the verb luo, meaning to “loose” or “set free,” plus the preposition apo, meaning “from.” Jesus uses the verb luo when he tells his disciples to enter the village and “untie” the donkey and colt they would find there (Matt. 21:2). It’s also used of untying a sandal so that it could be removed (Mark 1:7). Jesus compares healing a woman from the bondage of a debilitating disease on the Sabbath to untying an ox so that it might be led to water (Luke 13:15–16). Like apoluo, it could also be used of releasing a prisoner (Acts 22:30; Rev. 20:3, 7).
So what does Jesus mean when he tells us to forgive others?
1. Forgiving sin is God’s job, not ours. We cannot remove guilt from anyone, nor should we try to protect them from deserved temporal punishment. Neither do we have the right or authority to pass final judgment on others (“Do not judge” in Matt. 7:1). And when we offer correction, we must do so with humility, love, and mercy, giving very careful attention to our own faults before we attempt to help someone else with theirs (Matt. 7:5; 18:15–17; Gal. 6:1–5).
2. Forgiving another person for harm they’ve done to us means that we should abandon any plans to do them harm of any kind in return. This may be pictured as untying them from us and letting them go free, leaving them to God to deal with as he sees fit—denying ourselves the pleasure of yanking on their rope from time to time. David Garland writes, “True forgiveness neither excuses the sin nor ignores what happened. It means that you still relate to that person in spite of what happened but also in light of what happened.”[2] Failure to forgive in this sense can do enormous harm to oneself and to others. Paul instructs us to “let all bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander be removed from you, along with all malice” (Eph 4:31). But Acts 8:23 also speaks of being “poisoned by bitterness and bound by wickedness.” According to Heb. 12:15, bitterness can cause many people trouble and defilement.
3. However, we also have to give attention to Jesus’s command to “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matt. 5:44; also Col. 3:12–14). As Jesus says in Luke 6:27, we should “do what is good to those who hate you.” Beyond not causing them harm, Jesus calls us to seek their welfare. But what this involves Jesus leaves to be determined by the situation. It does not necessarily mean to support them financially or to invite them to all our parties and shower them with presents. However, Jesus does elaborate that doing what is good for them may in some cases mean “lend, expecting nothing in return” (Luke 6:35). Such gifts, however, may not always be for their good. Paul says that a repentant offender should be forgiven and “comforted” (2 Cor. 2:7), a verb that also includes encouragement and urging to live a godly life (see 1 Thess. 2:11–12), but it does not include making them comfortable in their sin.[3]
4. The situation of someone who continues to cause us harm, whether physical, emotional, financial, or otherwise, calls for special attention. We can avoid causing them harm, and we can seek their genuine welfare without involving ourselves with them or placing ourselves in harm’s way. We can “leave them alone.” As Jesus says in Matt. 5:44, we can certainly pray for them. But the New Testament’s instructions on church discipline, both from Jesus (Matt. 19:15–17) and from Paul (1 Cor. 5:1–13), indicate that the harmful influence of unrepentant wicked people should not be tolerated or allowed to remain in our churches or in our lives. The forgiveness that Paul advocates in 2 Cor. 2:5–13 and in the letter to Philemon is for a repentant offender. The Greek word for “forgive,” however, in 2 Corinthians 2 is charizomai, meaning to “give freely and graciously.” It can also refer to cancelling a debt (Luke 7:42–43; 2 Cor. 2:10; 12:13; Eph. 4:32; Col. 2:13; 3:13). The person Paul discusses in 2 Cor. 2:5–13 could be the man in 1 Cor. 5:1–13, but if so, he has been guilty of more than sexual immorality. He has also done Paul personal harm.
The
conclusion is that we should not just latch onto one or two Bible verses on personal
forgiveness and absolutize them. Rather, we must take into consideration all
that the New Testament has to say on the subject.
[1] C. S. Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms (London: Geoffrey Bles, 1958), 27.
[2] David Garland, 2 Corinthians, The New American Commentary (Nashville: B&H, 1999), 127.
[3] See Garland, 127–28.